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Something’s Brewing

September 21, 2009

September has always been a month of change. Not only is it the end of summer and beginning of fall, which I love, but my son was born this month. Having a child is an obvious big change but it was even more so with Blake’s birth since I had him as a single mom.

Looking back on the last 4 years of my life as a single mom I can see that I have been in almost a constant state of change, growing and rebuilding my life and although so many things are still unsettled, I’m finding that I am happier than I’ve ever been.

With all the changes the years have brought I have found peace; a peace within myself that I’ve never felt before.

September is the month that was the beginning of the end of my marriage; the biggest change of my life. The 8 years since then may have been hell at times but it is through this journey that I was able to find my inner peace.

I’ve never mentioned this before but on 9/10/01 (yes, the day before 9/11) I flew to Hawaii with my best friend (known on this blog as Wifey, as she is now married to my ex) for her sister’s wedding. Wifey had asked me to go along with her to make it a fun girl’s trip. I was very excited to go to Hawaii with my friend and it would be my first time away from both my husband and his children – ever.

What was supposed to be a 5 day vacation in Hawaii turned into 10. The airports were shut down due to the attack on 9/11. At first I was very worried about being ‘stranded’; my husband was in D.C. near the pentagon on 9/11 and the kids were at home being cared for by their grandmother.

I felt helpless and I was but everyone was okay. There was nothing I could do but enjoy being in paradise while also wondering and worrying about what was happening in our country. It was very odd, almost surreal. I was away from my family for the first time and in paradise while our country was vulnerable and under attack.

Little did I know how vulnerable I was to another kind of terrorist plotting her attack. The seed had been planted.

Less than 5 months after that trip to Hawaii my husband moved out, Wifey left her husband and they moved in together.

The way it all happened was devastating. My life as I knew it was shattered and since then I have spent the last 7+ years trying to rebuild my life. I have faced a lot of opposition and encountered numerous road blocks along the way (most of them courtesy of Ex and Wifey) but I’m still here, stronger, wiser and better than I was back then.

My life is still changing in very unexpected and big ways right now but I feel all that I have been through both during my childhood and in the last 7 years have prepared me for what’s to come. I don’t know what that is but I do know it is not what I had planned and I have no fear or uneasiness about that. The worst is behind me now and I know I can get through anything.

I am ready for the next stage of my life and it is very much in the making right now.

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