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Commander In Chief of the "Pimp Ship" (as you know it).

September 21, 2009

Lions and tigers, cougars and bears… oh. my.

I had forgotten what it’s like…

To be at total ease in my own skin. With and without clothes.

To be held closely as if he never wanted to let me go. all. night. long. Even when his arm had to have gone numb.

To not want to go to sleep because laying next to each other talking, and laughing (and kissing) was just too great of a moment….and didn’t want it to end.

To wake up and see a man sleeping peacefully and soundly next to me. Noticing his long eyelashes, the curve of his bone structure and the shape of his eyebrows and lips. And feel my heart just swell.

To be in a room full of people and only be in attune with one another.

To feel the touch and brush of his hand on my butt as we walked together, ending in a kiss on top of my head. In the middle of the grocery aisle. In front of his best friend. (think Shrek-Donkey relationship/attitudes. And yes, that is a hilarious, but pretty true-to-life comparison.)

To be able to talk about anything. And everything.

To also be able to communicate silently with only our eyes left to do the talking. And understand each other. Completely.

To have the room go from freezing to steaming hot.

To have tender gazes, and touches knock down all my walls.

But to also have a little tugging of my hair.

To collapse next to each other skin soaked with sweat.

To have my blonde locks damp and curly, tangled over my face from the intense humidity created by two people.

To feel a hand brush the hair out of my face. So I may be kissed. And kissed with the precise balance between delicate and passionate.

To giggle.

To feel ridiculously sexy in nothing but a men’s white v-neck tee.

To get excited when someone simply walks in the room.

To be as proud of someone else’s accomplishments as I am my own.

To have someone else be as proud of my accomplishments as their own.

To truly listen. And be listened to.

To have my hand clasped with another’s.

To feel completely overwhelmed by feelings – but know that somehow, someway, it will work itself out. For better or for worse. And be totally okay with that. Because what I’ve experienced through his friendship and affection, has made me realize my heart is not a block of ice to all men. (even though despite all the dates I’ve gone on lately, I’ve felt that. And thought it to be the case.)

To be seen and admired by a man, for who I truly am, and like being.

To question how I’ve managed to let what I thought was going to be a fling, turn into something a hell of a lot deeper.

To not have a drop of alcohol involved, at any point, and be absolutely drunk with happiness in his presence.

To have my realistic side and dreamer side get caught up in this much of a battle.

To keep wanting to continue whatever “this” is, despite the possibility of being hurt.

To not understand why someone can make me feel this way, but just go with it.

To wonder what’s going to happen next.

~Chris, it’s been almost 2 months since I last held your hand, last touched and kissed your face, and last heard your voice. I am completely lost without your presence in my life… I hope someday this reaches you in the right place at the right time, and truly makes you stop and think how you pushed me away so easily and hurt me so badly. I would do anything to turn back time and continue on our journey together. All my love, your angel, Gracie.

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