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Menstruation, Boys and An Ex-Thong Friend

May 11, 2009

Menstruation. I remember reading the book, Are You There God? It’s Me, Grace. And waiting for that day to arrive, thinking it was something special. Man oh man, if I knew then what I know now! And isn’t it just kinda hilarious that the word menstruation does in fact, have the word MEN in it??

And, as much of a rite of passage as getting your period is, there is another that goes along with it. The way boys react. I’m betting girls, that at some point or another in your lifetime, you’ve had it – the experience – the uncomfortable-ness that males have with us bleeding from our vagina’s. (I think it’s important to note I just cracked myself up.) So, without further ado, here are some of my fabulous experiences … enjoy and laugh along with me. Also, share your own if you wish!

I think the funny thing about spending time with my tall McP is that we spent from first through eighth grade together in school, so we have many of the same memories. Teachers, students, etc. And of course, we have different memories, so I stared and laughed when he reminded me of this particular story, because I instantly remembered something I had long ago forgotten about. The summer we graduated from 8th grade, our entire class was invited to a pool party at a local swim club in the area. We were all there, splashing and having a good time. One of my close girlfriends showed up but didn’t get in the pool because she had started her period. She did have her swimsuit on, but again, us being so young she wasn’t using tampons yet, so she had a pad on somehow – and as I type this I really have to wonder – was she wearing undies under her bathing suit? Hmm … I digress. Anyway, boys being boys, they grabbed her and threw her in the pool, where her pad instantly disintegrated into a thousand little pieces floating around. One of the boys in our class noticed and the screams that came from the pool … Good Lord remember the scene from Caddy Shack when they thought someone had shit in the pool? That was pure calmness in relation to what was happening in this pool. The boys reacted like they were swimming in blood; climbing ON each other to get themselves out of the pool as quickly as possible. My poor girlfriend, she left in tears after having her mom come to get her. Ahh, the joys of puberty.

The first time I ever started my period without expecting it and bled through my clothes? It was on my high school boyfriends couch. Yeah, good times.

A few years back, at a going away party for a coworker, I was on my period. In preparation for the party, I packed clothes to change into after work and threw a fresh pair of underwear in my bag – a thong to be exact. No big deal, I never ended up using them and it’s not like anyone else looks in your bag, ya know? So late into the night, an ex-coworker and ex-friend was utterly unable to drive and I offered him a ride home. For some reason, he insisted on having the windows down the entire way to his house. Hmmm … come to think of it, he also insisted I was going the wrong way. For like, ten miles. Anyhoo, when my arguments regarding the windows being down were not working on the drunk Ex-Friend, I sighed and said fine, but can you please get my bag and find my hair clip? The wind was kicking my hair’s ass. So he finds the bag and rustles around in there for a while, still insisting I’m going the wrong way when all of a sudden he stops talking and pulls his hand out of my bag. And there, in all its glory, was my thong, almost tangled up in his fingers. He stares at it for a long minute, while I made girl noises in my mortification. I finally said, “WILL YOU PUT THAT AWAY?” and my Ex-Thong Friend grinned that smug grin of his and said, “Well, this isn’t your hair clip!” Needless to say, I snatched my bag out of his hands and, if memory serves, rolled up the damn windows.

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