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The First Five Minutes

May 5, 2009

Does he find me attractive? Does he mind that I look less like a bombshell and more like a 30 year old woman? Will he appreciate the laugh lines that are more prominent from years of laughing, and disregard the worry lines from years of worrying? Does he like the things I like? Does he read for pleasure, keep up on current events, find joy in music, have an immeasurable passion for something substantial? What are his reasons for waking up each day?

How will I look beside him? Is he close to the man I imagined I’d end up with? Do we even have the compatibility to last? Is he quiet? Does he yell? Will he treat me kind? Will he love me in all his actions? Will my friends like him? Will he like my friends? Could we step into each other’s lives with no effort at all?

Will he be faithful? Is he responsible? Can he help support a family? Does he think of the future or does he just live for today? Does he want more children? Does he want mine? Will he disappoint us as we’ve learned to expect from men, as my son has learned to expect from a father? Or will he make us forget what it feels like to be let down?

Will my son like him? Will he like my son? Will he be a good role model for him and take on a fatherly role? What kind of father will he be? Will he play catch with my son? Will he let him lean on him while watching TV, a protective arm around his shoulder? Will he want to hear about his day at school, help him build the latest school project, teach him why long division is useful in everyday life?

What happens if this works out? Will this be too disruptive to our family’s life? Am I fixing something that isn’t broken? Should I even entertain the thought of this person in my life? Would it wreck the life that I’ve built for my son and me? Would it be too much work? Would I neglect my son in favor of this relationship? Would he be jealous of the attention I give him? Will he demand too much of my time? Will I feel pulled in too many directions?

What if I give him my full heart and it doesn’t work out? Will I be devastated? Will my son be ruined? Will I lose my reasons to laugh, to worry, my reason to wake up in the morning? Will I be forced to give up certain things in my life because they remind me of him? Will he be my reason to lose the rest of my faith in men?

These are the thoughts that run through a woman’s mind, all this in the first five minutes of meeting, when an attraction is apparent, before the very first kiss…… And all this is the very reason that you cannot casually date a single mother.

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