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Should a first-time encounter proceed if you have your period?

April 30, 2009

I recently received a letter from a woman in doldrums over this situation. She’d dated a man a few times and their mutual attraction was nearing detonation. But the ‘first-time’ hurdle still lay on her horizon – she hadn’t slept with anyone since she got separated. Anxiety, excitement, fear… the next step would be a BIG one. But low and behold, the day before the big event was to transpire, her period showed up.

“Should I still meet him?” She asked me in her letter. “I’m afraid it might make the situation more awkward than it already is.”

First off, I was frustrated for her: waiting so long to meet someone, a sizzling opportunity within grasp, then boom! – fantasies of wild abandonment choked. Grrrrr.

I recommended she go ahead and meet him and decide in the moment if it felt right. They were openly communicating about it and his attitude was one of “Oh well, we’ll manage.” I thought his answer was cool. After all, he wasn’t some inexperienced twenty year old, he was a grown man who’d been married (then divorced) for years. He knew better than to make a big deal out of it.

Still my stomach knotted at what the word ‘manage’ meant to him – would he be passionate and uninhibited and tender? Or would it be a rushed get-it-in-there-cause-that’s-all-I-can-kind of experience?

Man, this dating/sex thing after divorce thing sure can be daunting, at times making us feel as insecure as college students. So I’m throwing this “first-time-with-period” situation out to you: Would you? Have you? Are they ever good? Or does it totally depend on the open-mindedness and comfort of the two people? I know it’s a pretty big deal to many women…but is it to men?

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