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Why NOT to Date a Bartender.

April 27, 2009

There are a few rules that I tend to go by when it comes to dating that I have learned along the way. They are:

  • Don’t date where I work;
  • Don’t date anyone in the entertainment industry (this includes DJs too);
  • Lawyers and firemen need not apply (sorry SSG!); and
  • NEVER date bartenders.

I know, I know – it sounds harsh but I’ve learned from either my personal experiences or by observing friends in the same situation. I’m friends with a number of the above people but to date them – like that classic song states – “Ain’t No Way.” I’d rather keep the friendship. Plus, if you look at my ex history, you’d know. That’s just how I roll…

Back in the day, I used to work for a promoter and we’d work with various bars around Wyoming and Nebraska. While fun times were definitely had, I got quite the observation view when it came to people who hit on the bouncer, bartender, DJ, etc. The stories they would tell – we’ll just have to leave that for another day (and I’ll work on bribing Bren, Bec or one of my other buddies to disclose in a later post.) But the bartender story I also know on a personal level with someone we’ll call “Shotboy“. Shotboy worked in a bar in Nebraska that Meowmix drug me to after the nasty breakup with Mark. She thought that her buddy Damian would take my mind off of things and, instead, well it was his roommate Shotboy that kept me distracted. Many an interesting night was had at The Palace. However, I knew that Shotboy was not the dateable type. Shotboy had one too many “distractions” vying for his attention. Not to mention, had I fallen hard like some of the drunk girls I’d see throwing themselves at Damian and crew, Meowmix would have quickly slapped me upside my head and reminded me that dating a shotboy/bartender is just not feasible. It just doesn’t happen. You enjoy your time and part ways. Simple enough.

Now, speaking of bartenders – there is one bartender that I find utterly hilarious – Ant. Meowmix has affectionately dubbed him “Eye Candy.” Ant is the quintessential southern boy – and the girls know it. Don’t get me wrong -he’s a great guy and all, but still – the man would be perfect as either an FBI Profileror a bartender when it comes to reading people. Whenever I’m in Laramie at one of my fave spots, the girls there tend to be quite fond of all things Ant. So it surprised me a bit when I got the following Facebook text* as to his status late Saturday.

Wait a minute – he’s in a packed bar that is one the hottest joints in Laramie on a weekend and he needs to send out a Facebook status like that?!?!? (Sidenote: How many phone calls/texts did he get with offers from his extensive friends list – hmmm.) Ant is the type of guy who, when he’s out and about, he can chat with a girl for a hot minute and next thing you know, she’s falling over herself to keep his attention. Don’t even get me started on the girls that frequent that joint. So I got suspicious that, perhaps, Ant did what he often does – leaves the beloved iPhone on the bar and someone’s being a wiseass or, perhaps, he was “just putting it out there.”

Either way – the above exchange can be incorporated into my argument of “Don’t Date a Bartender“. The girls who throw themselves at bartenders are a funny lot. They take it to a whole new level sometimes. There have been many a night when I’m working a gig and the girls are all a twitter with “Oh my god, did you see how he passed that drink to me? He’s totally into me.” or “Is he looking at me?” as they flip their hair all around like a fucking Pantene commercial. Let’s not even talk about the drunk girls who sit at the bar giving the bartender’s customers the side eye because he should be paying them attention and not the customers. Perhaps they are thinking that the Bartender will be like Steve from S&TC and sweep them off their feet like he did with Miranda. HOWEVER, 9 times out of 10, that isn’t the case, especially with bartenders working in some of the popular clubs.

Ladies, let’s be frank – basically the bartender has a job to do. However, remember to tip him nicely, order lots of drinks and – for the love of god, don’t date him. You can mess around with him and it is what it is – but I’m of the belief that you don’t hang on hopes for something long term.

As Samantha once counseled Charlotte in an ep. of S&TC: “Hang on honey, you don’t fall in love with Mr. [Bartender]. You enjoy him and then set him free.”

*Note: Status photo used with permission courtesy of Ant.
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