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Questionable Answers.

April 6, 2009

I’m FINALLY getting around to answering some of the hardest freakin’ questions ever… all asked by you guys. I thought I’d get asked things like Does size matter? or What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? but no, you bitches wanted profound answers to questions with actual meaning behind them and I was all, BUT HAVE YOU READ MY BLOG? I DON’T DO “DEEP.” So, this is me attempting to answer your questions. Grab something alcoholic, it might make my answers easier to swallow.

Heh. I just said “swallow.”

See.

Who do you know that has most likely been abducted by aliens?
I don’t know him personally, but I doubt anyone would dispute that Gary Busey has most definitely been abducted by aliens and then returned to Earth, the aliens clearly feeling cheated.

Who would you go gay for?
Heidi Klum – She is gorgeous.

Show us your favorite photo you have taken. Why is that your favorite?
I have THOUSANDS of recent photos on my current hard drive… This is one I took recently that I love. It’s not the best photo by any means, just one I love. I posted this a couple of weeks ago. This was taken at B-Dub’s first tee-ball/baseball practice. He’s the youngest on the team and is at an age where everything is very literal… so when he’s told to be in the ready position and to “wait” for the ball, there he sat, patiently waiting, albeit a little bored…

What/when was your ‘zen’ moment when you looked around and realized “this is my life, who I am” and were ok with it?
Honestly, I don’t know if I’m there yet. Getting there… but not all the way there. I’ve never been comfortable in my own skin which often comes across as surprising to a lot of people who know me.

Name five things you dream of doing before you die.
1. Write a book (so cliche, I know)
2. Visit the original Starbucks store (Pike’s Place)
3. Become a syndicated columnist
4. Write for a sitcom
5. Live long enough to see a grandchild born

What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
Rocky Road ice cream in a waffle cone and TruTV

If guilt, knowledge, repercussion or fear of fall-out was not possible, what are the 3 things you would like to do/try?
1. Cocaine
2. Ectasy
3. No-limit tables at the Bellagio in Vegas

Out of the following three famous people who would you Marry, Murder, Make love to?
First, can I just say that I have not yet murdered anyone, and yes, I’ve married someone, but I never “make love” to anyone, I only… OH. HI, MOM!
Vin Diesel – Murder, not a fan
Simon Cowell – Marry, for the money if nothing else
Danny Evans – Va-va-voom and Rawwwrrrrrr

If you found out that there were some mix-ups at the hospital and your children weren’t really YOURS, would you trade in the ones you have for the ones you incubated? (I know, it’s a sick game. But I play this with my husband all the time! And you CANNOT say you’d “keep them all.” That’s not an option.)
Keep or trade, period.
Keep. Wouldn’t want to know different. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. It’s how I roll.

Would you rather be the person who invented the atomic bomb or the guy flying the plane who dropped it on Hiroshima…and why?
The person who invented the bomb because I’m totally afraid to fly.

What is a song for which you thought you knew the words and later found out that you had them wrong?
Again, IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

If something were to happen to you tomorrow, what would people remember you for? Would you be happy with that legacy?
For being a hawt mess. And yes, I’d be happy with that ’cause I’m good at it… (Hey, at least I own it.)

If you could give Jennifer Aniston any men advice what would it be? What would you tell her to do about John Mayer?
Besides telling Jen to get rid of the pompous arse that is John Mayer, I’m not one to give advice… But if she needs anyone to go toes with Angelina or just needs a yoga pal, I’m her girl. Namaste.

Build your own hamburger, cheeseburger or garden burger. What’s on it? I don’t like hamburgers… except for the very rare In-N-Out cheeseburger, grilled onions, please.

What would your PostSecret say?
I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.

What would be worse, giving up Starbucks for life, or never being able to say the word ‘fuck’ or any variation of it? And are you even capable of the latter, lol? 🙂
Since I’ve recently given up Starbucks in an effort to mitigate my migraines *sobs* I’d have to say giving up my beloved F word is far worse. Fuck that. (Although, giving up Starbucks wasn’t all that fucking easy either. Ask Candy Ass.)

Does your BFF really exist?
She’s like the mythical unicorn. She’s the queen of fucking everything. She’s the Californian version of Martha Stewart – only nice. And has never been to the pokey. That I know of. She practically breathes sunshine and shits rainbows. I talk to her via phone several times a day and yet sometimes even I have a hard time believing she exists… But it’s true. She’s real.

What do you want your headstone to say when you die? Will it include the word fuck?
It shall read: “fuckityfuckfuckmotherfuckerfuckingshit”

If you could slap the shit out of one person — with no repercussions — who would it be?
Octomom/Octopussy
Dorothy from Fox 11 Good Day L.A.
Celine Dion
Angelina Jolie
The Real Housewives of EVERYWHERE
Amy Winehouse
Victoria Beckham
Tom Cruise
Gloria Allred
Dina Lohan
The Kardashian Girls
Chris Brown
Miley Cyrus
Heidi Montag
Spencer Pratt

Oh wait… did you say ONE person? Oops…

***

So the winner of the $25 Amazon.com gift card goes to Jolene for her Who would you Marry, Murder, Make love to? question… Very creative.

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