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Maybe I’m Paranoid.

April 6, 2009

So dad and I own a few rental houses, and one of them is vacant. I had to go do some work on it, and spoke with a few different gentlemen, who were interested in renting, about what time I was going to be up there, etc. These men weren’t ultra scary sounding, or even did anything that would cause me to worry. However, when it came time to go up there on Sunday afternoon, I looked at my dad and said ‘you have to go with me’.

He thought I was being a little neurotic. However, I then explained that me, a vacant house, and two strange men, really didn’t add up to a safe situation. It was something that I knew would be just fine, but suddenly I became paranoid about it. Two years ago I never would have thought twice about it, but now I was thinking of all the random and crazy things that could happen.

It’s such a fine line because when is it being paranoid vs. being smart about a situation? Maybe it was the small town naive girl in me, or maybe I was an idiot, but I never used to be paranoid about any situations. I remember one time meeting a guy in a San Francisco hotel restaurant and was off to a night out with him within hours. Even my crazy friend thought I was insane, but I just never thought about things like that. Now I’m slightly freaked out by the smallest of events, and I can’t imagine throwing kids in the mix because you hear about all those psychos out there. How do find that line of letting them figure things out for themselves, yet try to protect the hell out of them? How do I find that line of not putting myself in bad predicaments, yet not being a freak about things either?

I’m not sure if it’s the paranoia that bothers me, or the fact that I have suddenly become my fucking mother. She used to drive me nuts about her worry this, worry that, and never wanted to do anything because of her worries. I still hear her voice in my head constantly warning me about anything and everything, and it makes me want to scream. No, I’m not to her level (yet), but the fact that I’m suddenly second guessing anything at all is driving me nuts.

So anyway, the girl that used to go hiking on her own, travel to strange cities regardless if I had someone to join me or not, and who was always up for the hell of a good time, has now taken a bit of a step back. I don’t run by myself at night unless I have one of my dogs with me. Yes, even crazies of the non-mommy type live in Douglas County, right? Ugh, I used to curse the day I would become anything like my mother. I saw the start of a varicose vein the other day, and now I’m a freaking worrier

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