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April 6, 2009

Speaking of over-the-top insanity, I’ve held out from talking about this topic for fear of looking like an ungrateful ass. But life is full of risks, so here we go.


There, I said it.

I appreciate teachers, I really do. Without them, I would be modeling the latest styles in straight jackets while under heavy sedation.

But an entire week where each day we send in a themed gift, along with duty-free lunches and a Friday gift from the class? Hell, I should have been a teacher instead of a mother because I only get ONE DAY OF APPRECIATION, plus I don’t get paid, the summer off, or cheap health insurance.

(And we thought the screwing would stop once we got pregnant.)

Certainly motherhood is more thankless (Mama, you never do anything for me, said my THREE year old), unappreciated (What did you say? That you’re so grateful to have clean clothes all the time? That’s not what you said? Figures.) and underpaid (unless hemorrhoids and gray hairs are a currency, then I’m one rich bitch) than teaching.

How and when did teacher appreciation go from a day to a week, from construction paper cards to daily gifts and a cumulative Friday gift?

Who made that change?

And can we hire them to convert Mother’s day to Mother’s Week?

Whoever is planning Mother’s day needs to be fired, especially after I received the memo from school that I need to send in $10 for my own Mother’s day gift. I’m sure it will be a nice, updated version of a clay ashtray, probably made from granite instead of clay.

But I can’t help but wonder what teachers would say if we mothers sent a note to them asking for $10 for their Teacher Appreciation gift.

Fuck it.

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