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Do You Judge Me Harshly For Writing About Sex?

April 6, 2009

Seriously. I want to know. Even if some of my blogs have made you grin, has some part of you also frowned in disgust? Are you playing a ‘wait and see’ game to see if I cross THE line; the one that will forever brand me as an immoral slut who shouldn’t be raising children?

Cause I’ve held MY breath when I’ve published a few articles on here. “Is that too much for a single mom to say?” I worried. “Do I seem skanky? Am I ruining my reputation?” And then a voice in the back of my head tells me to “SHUT UP! Stop being so paranoid. You’re being honest, you’re being you, and you have nothing to be ashamed of, sexuality included!”

This ‘inner war’ of mine really irks me. I’ve come sooo far this year on my journey as not only a single-mom, but a single woman WITH needs to learn about myself and stand tall in who I am. Yet STILL I worry what others think of me and if I’m being labeled. Why can’t I just let that go? I KNOW that at the end of the day, the people who truly know me and love me don’t care WHAT I write about; they see ALL of who I am, not just the voice on BlondeMomTourage.

Moreover, even if I AM making morally-questionable decisions right now, I’m entitled to explore and make well-made ‘mistakes’ during a crazy HUGE life transition. Right? And my sense is that so many other women (and men) can relate to what I’m going through – sexually and otherwise – but they too feel this pressure to ‘conform.’

On this blog, I’m literally feeling and thinking out loud in hard copy to process my life changes. I really do believe that just because I’m 34 and a single mom, doesn’t mean I should ‘play dead’ and deny myself the exciting new awakenings that are arising amidst the painful shifting. I really do believe that passion is a gift, that it should be celebrated not shamed, and that I’ve been given an incredible opportunity to find it. I didn’t get out of a restrictive relationship and do all this hard work on myself to settle for a life of mediocrity again, right?

So tell me though dear reader, are you and our society really OK with a single mom writing about her pursuit of passion, in all its many forms?

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