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Watch Your Language, Mommy.

April 1, 2009

When you hear these four words… you are finally aware that it is a problem.

I curse a lot.  There are many times that I can string together a surplus of profanity that would make Christian Bale blush. Before having a baby, I had a job (yes, really!) that strictly required me to watch everything I said, and for some reason I had no trouble with it.  As soon as I walked into the building nasty Grace was turned off and sweet Grace was turned on. Once I got in the car after work, nasty Grace was back.

Now that the munchkin has entered my world, and I am raising my sister’s 5 boys basically, I am having trouble turning off nasty Grace.  There is no building to walk into that lets my brain know that I need to change. Kids are 27/7 and in my home I was used to being nasty. Now, I have to be sweet. It’s hard, damnit.  There I go again!  Fuck. Honestly, the reason I swear like this is because 1, it is gratifying, and 2, it gets my point across a helluva lot faster. Just ask my nephew Trystan, or if you’ve read my Whiskey Tango (White Trash) mama post involving the grocery store and the old bitch hag, then you will understand.

So to try and allow me to express anger but not say filthy things, I now use the NATO alphabet. Suddenly “What the Fuck” has turned to “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot”. “Bull shit,” has turned into “Bravo Sierra.” And so on.

Where we hit the road bump is when we don’t know the correct subsitute word.  The other day I got stuck on “hell.” What happened?  And truth betold, I had to run to the computer to figure out what the subsitute was. In the middle of dinner, of course. (It’s “hotel” just in case you wanted to know.)

Needless to say, my system isn’t working out all that great.  But it does seem to entertain my family when they listen to me sound like a fucking foxtrot crazy.

And yes, I know that I should just cut out all cursing and implications of cursing. But guess what? It’s FOXTROTING hard. Instead, I am hoping that using the NATO alphabet will be so annoying that I will just stop all cursing and turn into sweet Grace for good. Don’t laugh!

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