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The Part Where I Rant and Rave On Stupidity.

March 27, 2009

I woke up in an AWFUL mood this morning. AWFUL. And it’s all my subconsious’s fault.

So, I’m pretty sure I never blogged about the full, long, convoluted story, and I don’t think I ever will, but for all practical purposes, M and I ended things (finally) in November and on a very, very, very, VERY bad note. VERY BAD. We have not spoken since I said goodbye, and hung up the phone.

This is important to my story for two reasons: he has since changed his number (or blocked me, not sure which) as an ultimatum by his psycho girlfriend (remember me talking about her? Homegirl has had it out for me the entire time she’s been with M, despite never meeting me, until one night, which I blogged about, and another night that I chose not to blog about where, oh, she walked in on us at 3am ensconced in each others arms, spooning, sleeping peacefully as lovers) and we have ceased all communication. I’m not going into the story, but girlfriend is certifiably batshit insane, and those of you that know the full story, can TOTES back me up on this.


The times he called me after the night that was one of the worst of my life, his number came up as being “Restricted” when he called, before we finally ceased ALL communication. (I know confusing.) For the record, that is the ONLY number that has ever come up “Restricted” on my phone aside from my friend’s work number, when she has called me during the day. (I don’t think she’d be calling me at 12.03am from her WORK phone).

Fast forward. This has happened before late at night once or twice a few months ago, but last night?

I received a call from “Restricted” at 12.03AM. So, I picked up. And there was nothing. Nothing. Just breathing.



So, in addition to dealing with that, it proceeded my precious slumber with dreams of M, his psychobitchass girlfriend, his evil mother (another really long, convoluted story I also care to not go into, jsut work with me on that), and me.

Like, CONTINUOUS DREAMS that were so REAL I woke up in a terrible mood.

The kicker? I never remember my dreams. So this, is even more frustrating.

Right now I’m feeling such a mix of emotions I feel like screaming “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on and you are a sorry pathetic ass who feels the need to be controlled by a crazy girl and your mother, so much so that you didn’t FIGHT FOR THE WOMAN you supposedly love, and have always loved…” WHOM YOU STATED WAS the mother of your future children….THAT NIGHT THAT TURNED SO HORRIBLE.

This situation between us is so over, there needs to be a new word for OVER.


I think I’m doing fine, moving right along, trying to pick up the shattered pieces that you (helped) turn my life to, and I’m doing great. Then, out of nowhere, a memory of you- our song played on the RADIO for christ’s sake (which is an old one, which SHOULD NOT BE ON THE RADIO) the other day, and phone calls like this happen, which puts me right back at square one.
I realize that it may not have been him, or his psycho girlfriend that called last night.

But really, really?! WHAT is it going to take that you and your memories no longer have such a deep hold on me?!

I’m tired of succumbing to them. I want you gone.


I just wish that could happen…sooner rather than later.

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