Skip to content

Naked at the Gyno’s Office

March 25, 2009

Grab a cup of coffee and curl up, because today…..

We are talking about gynecologists.

Yep, we are.

So snuggle into your stirrups and let’s take a trip down memory lane….

Once upon a time….a long, long time ago……..My gynecologist was a female. And I liked her so much and always thought to myself “I could NEVER go to a male gyno!! That must TOTALLY suck!! I mean, seriously, how weird would that be??? I am so happy that I will never have to experience that.”And then….gasp!….my female gyno moved away.

And I had to find a new one as it was time for my yearly exam.

I got a recommendation for a new gyno……..rave reviews!…..

“Absolutely the best!”……

“You’ve GOT to go to this gyno!”…..

“HE’S FANTASTIC!”

Wait….”he”???

Yep. As in a “male”.

As in a man who is NOT my man but will ask me to get naked anyway.

But I put on my big girl panties (pun intended, Bree) and decided I should conquer my stupid fear and try him out….seeing as he got such rave reviews and all.

I’ll fast forward past the snotty “he’s not taking any new patients” nurse part and the whole McMommy “but I NEED him! He’s supposed to be THE BEST! I’m all gynecologist-less right now!” pleas with said snotty nurse.

Yes, let’s just skip right to the part where McMommy is sitting, alone and shivering (why are those offices so cold?) on the exam table, with nothing but a thin paper towel wannabe gown separating her birthday suit from the world (Or the doc. whatever. I’m not dramatic.), and is completely regretting why she ever decided to try a male gyno.

And suddenly a thought occurred.

I began to pray to God and every single saint in heaven: “God, please don’t let him be OLD.

Please don’t let him be old. I will die if a wrinkly old man has to feel me up today. Please don’t let him be an old man!!”And then I happened to glance at the wall.

And see his diploma.

And the name says: Dr. J. Gavin Smith

Gavin?

That’s not an old man name.

OH MY FREAKIN’ FREAK.

PLEASE GOD DON’T LET HIM BE YOUNG.

PLEASE GOD DON’T LET HIM BE YOUNG. PLEASE GOD DON’T LET A YOUNG GUY WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR!!!!

(Door opens)It truly is the worst possible thing I ever could have imagined.

Not only is he young…..He is really good-looking.

It should be illegal for gynos to be that good-looking.

(Hi, my name is Dr. Really McHot and I’ll be doing your breast exam today.)

Yeah, I don’t care what any of you say.

Trust me when I say that a young, good looking guy (who just so happens to be your new gyno) giving you a breast exam and telling you to put your feet in the stirrups while making stupid small talk with you is quite possibly one of the MOST awkward moments of your life.

HOLY SHIT.

Advertisements
No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: