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Etiquette, bitch – Road Rage with Kids In the Car

March 21, 2009

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I haven’t cursed in front of my kids, because, that’s just a load of bullshit.

See. Love to curse.

And I have been known to use the Lord’s name in vain. Steph tells the kids I’m praying again. Too bad I can’t use that when she screams “You Assholes” at the tv on football Sundays.

But I really do try to make sure my responses to other people, you know, as opposed to things on television, gigantic glasses of spilled milk, and poop on my hand, are fairly appropriate.

Now when it comes to driving in the car, everyone swears I think a car is like a plane, and because I’ve got super fast reflexes, anyone who hesitates for more than a few seconds incurs my wrath. I have to admit that there are some big fat idiots on the road here in Denver, most often it’s someone cluelessly driving slow in the left lane on their cell phone. Yesterday a cop had his flashers on right behind her and was waving a person over and she didn’t even move, obviously too engrossed in her very important conversation to focus on driving a moving vehicle and all.

But, alas, I still let a “Son of a Bitch” fly out of my mouth, shake my mean maraca, and go on my merry way.

However, that was not the case for the woman sitting in the complete wrong lane coming out of King Soopers a few days ago. I was attempting to make a left turn into the drive, and she thought that my lane was a left turning lane (apparently double yellow lines mean nothing) and was sitting there waiting for the light to turn green, oblivious to the fact that I was about to turn in.

She could have easily backed up and just whipped into the correct turning lane because no one was behind her, but even as I started to make the turn and beep my horn in a “hey, lady, move the heck out of the way because YOU’RE IN THE WRONG LANE” sort of way (as opposed to “get the fuck over you dumbass”), she just sat there. Staring. Maybe pretending that I was just the nuts one and she was, in fact, correct.

Well, I finally HAD to turn because traffic was coming so she sort of pulled forward enough for me to get by, glaring at me the whole time. I was talking to her through my window, which I’m sure she could see. Nothing terrible, mind you, but just a combination of “hello, you’re in the wrong lane, move the hell over, I’m about to get hit in traffic, I have kids in my car.”

And before I know it, she rolls down her window all the way and starts screaming at me, in front of a dude in the front seat, and better, in front of her kids in the back seat.


Now, in my world, if you are wrong, you generally don’t yell at the person who is right. I tend to do the little “I’m embarrassed sorry that I’m an idiot” wave and smile and hope that the person WHO IS RIGHT doesn’t get all crazed.

And if they do, oh well, such is life. I’m not perfect. So fuck you.


But it was obvious that perhaps in her embarrassment she just lost it. And how I would have LOVED to give her a piece of my mind right about then.

But I thought about the kids in the backseat, and the piss poor example it would have set for them – rolling down my window to scream at a complete stranger, and I just drove on, trying to ignore my urge to just back into her car.

Accidentally, of course.

So, when it comes to situations like that, or road rage in general, how do you respond, particularly when your kids are in the car?

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