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How Many Ways to Use the Word ‘Nail’

March 12, 2009

So like a lot of you, I feel the economic pinch, but am still trying to keep up all that I can. This means I’ve had to succumb to my early days when a splurge was the corner nail salon. To anyone that tries to believe that there’s a difference between any of the 10,000 we have at our fingertips, you’re crazy. It’s like someone who thinks ‘Rainbow Donuts’ tastes better than ‘Hot Donuts’. In the big picture of a manis and pedis, you’ll get the same experience at ‘Nail Place’ and ‘Fancy Nails’.

So I really needed to clean up the fingers and toes, and talked myself into going just the other day. Of course I got the typical experience of being greeted like it’s a problem that I’m there.

I’m then told just to pick out a polish as they go on and get my chair ready.

After grabbing just a neutral color, I’m walked over where they fill up the tub. One girl starts on the hands, one starts on the toes.

Now the girl speaks, ‘You want deluxe or just regular manicure/pedicure?’

‘No, I want just the regular’.

‘Oh, for $5 more we do hot wax’. You want hot wax?’

‘No, just the regular, please.’

‘Okay, you know we do facials now? You want to clean up that face a little?’ She said this as she does a twirling motion with her finger, pointed at my face.

‘No, thank you, my face is very clean.’

‘Okay, you want your eyebrows done? Get rid of that extra hair?’

By this time I’m furious. I want to just read my magazine without the insults and fifty up-sells.

I truly believe the one criteria of working at these places is to be able to kindly insult people in order to get them to buy more. I also want to scream at her, ‘No, I don’t want my fucking eyebrows done. If you would know any better, you would notice they’re perfect and just done yesterday!’

I calmly looked at her, though ‘no, my eyebrows are fine.’

Then they do a ‘speak and giggle’, as they look at me, then each other. I’m regretting not picking up that Rosetta Stone last week. One day, I swear, just because I think the revenge would be far too sweet.

I tried to enjoy my magazine since I was already in the middle of the experience, when they had to come up with the damn flower. ‘You want me to paint flower on your toe?’

Just a regular, FUCKING PEDICURE!

No, I didn’t say that, and I didn’t scream, but I was so ready to leave. When I finally left, with my clean toes and fingers, but dirty face and hairy eyebrows, I told myself that was enough. There are just some things that are worth the splurge: direct flights, 5-star hotels, and a good haircut/color. You just can’t skimp on the mani/pedi either.

Luckily someone just informed me of a great place in good old Littleton where they don’t talk to you, they don’t speak to each other, and they don’t try to sell you other services by insulting you. And best of it, it’s clean, it’s a decent price, and they do a fabulous job. Just like the direct flight, soooooo worth the extra money. I guess the budget’s not getting cut after all.

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