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Crazy Mommies!

March 12, 2009

So I love my sister. She’s 9 years older and lives in TX, and she allows me to see inside an inner circle that I would never have access to without her. The multiple mommy world. I get to hear all the stories of her friends, and just validate my decision every day of being a one-child mommy.

Part of my hesitation is the fact that once you have several children, you’re thrown into the inner circle of Crazy Mommies. I don’t want to be around Crazy Mommies, and I don’t want to be friends with them either. These are the woman who believe their children are the smartest, greatest, most wonderful children, in the world, and that their children are leaps and bounds better than yours. I just always picture the movie ‘Parenthood’ as I would have the child with the bucket on his head slamming it against the wall, while they would have the children reading math flashcards at a 5th grade level. I would rather raise my son around his cousins, rather than expose him to women and their children as listed above.

I see them in their daily playgroups, and I hear the stories. ‘Oh you’re 2 year old is only in the 50th percentile for height? He’s going to be a short little fucker isn’t he?’ ‘Did you know that my three year old can read the entire book of ‘Good Night Moon’? He’s pure genious.’ To that I would think Really, it’s called memorization, bitch!

Here Crazy Mommies are everywhere. They think their children do no wrong, they think they’re perfect. They have five different au’pairs so their children can speak 5 different languages by their 4th birthday. They worry about what sports they’re in, praying for that hope of having the next great one. And they teach their children at the age of 3 to start thinking about Ivy League schools.

Okay, so maybe their kids are extremely brilliant, but I’m not buying it. Let a child play a freaking game of duck, duck goose, instead of forcing them to read at a higher level. Let them think about the first day of kindergarten before trying to make them pick out their college.

My sister has a friend who’s 2 year old was sick. The doctor’s couldn’t figure out what she had and after a speedy recovery and some Internet research the friend felt she discovered what it was; ’Baby Genious Syndrome’. Yep, that’s right. The woman believes her child has an IQ of 162, and has self diagnosed her with Baby Genious Syndrome. Seriously a two year old who does nothing out of the norm is now genius? I wouldn’t have been able to walk away from this situation without saying a word. In the Crazy Mommy world I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, and would end up making more enemies then friends.

And then there are the Crazy Mommies who’s only dream is to become the next Martha Stewart. They would be horrified at my unmatching towels in the guest bath. And they would die at the fact that my son would come to school with store bought cookies. That’s right, Chip’s A’Hoy, Crazy Mommy, bitch.

I just don’t understand when children weren’t allowed to be children anymore. Sure, there’s a need to learn, but I feel it’s gone too far. I was a pure ‘genius’ back in my day because at 4 I was ready for Kindergarten. I never went to preschool, never had any formal schooling, just a mom who worked with me a lot. In today’s world, I would never have cut it.

I can just hear the cringing now. A single mother of a 3 year old giving parenting advice. It’s horrific, I know. I truly believe that if a child were to come our way, I wouldn’t care about height/weight percentiles, reading at the age of 2, putting golf clubs in their hands at 3, praying they’re the next Tiger Woods. And I really don’t want to hang out with Crazy People who are more concerned with comparing their child with mine then letting their child be happy.

No thank you, Crazy Mommy World, Peace Out!

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