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For the men…

November 10, 2008

No sorry, no naked pics of me!~ *hah* Just a few words for you. Seeing as my friend got neglected on her birthday, and well, I’m feeling neglected myself (see earlier posts), here is a rule of thumb for you. I’m not saying any of this ACTUALLY happened. I’m just trying to create analogies that will click in the minds of MEN.

1) Romance is NOT lighting a candle and then asking for a blow job. Romance includes, but is not limited to the following: A nice card and flowers, making plans for a dinner out (without her knowing is way better), taking a bath TOGETHER, foreplay, more foreplay, and oh, more foreplay.

2) Gifts are NOT you scrubbing the kitchen floor or not playing X-box one night. Gifts are things your gf/spouse/etc. actually want that she can hold in (or better ON) her hand. Flowers, dinners, etc. are great – but they should NEVER be the SOLE GIFT. It’s especially nice to receive a gift (like lingerie or clothing) that you think would look good on her – and if unsure of the size, aim SMALL – unless it’s a BRA.

3) Make a big deal on special days. You can never go BIG enough. Buy a balloon, card, signage, etc. I equate it to boobs and penises: BIGGER is ALWAYS BETTER. Make sense?

4) Don’t make her day into YOUR day. She doesn’t want to hang out with your friends, she doesn’t want to watch you play X-box, she doesn’t want to just “stopover” Joeblow’s house for a quick drink, and she certainly DOES NOT want to have to remind you that it’s a special day (especially after you already know it’s a special day). We do enough shit for you that you should remember. THE WHOLE DAY.

and 5) Offering and providing oral sex will save you if you have broken the 4 said rules. It works every time. Guaranteed.

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